I WROTE SOMETHING AND THEN SOMEONE PUT IT ON THE INTERNET

What ho, friends, here is something for you to read: my first (and hopefully not last (so I should probably pitch some more ideas probably)) piece for Open Letters Monthly: a review of the comic books Stagger Lee and Phonogram: Rue Britannia.

TWO THINGS TO PASS THE TIME

1. Watch all six episodes of Andy Barker, P.I., the new sitcom from star Andy Richter and co-creator Conan O'Brien that premieres this Thursday at 9:30 on NBC. An acquaintance of mine is a writer on the show, so I'm happy to report that it's a very good show and well worth your time; Entertainment Weekly noted its Zucker/Abrams/Zucker quality, which is right on the money. It's also a lot like an updated version of O'Brien's old Lookwell pilot. It's just too bad that it's (temporarily, I assume) replacing the brilliant 30 Rock in NBC's Thursday night comedy block; I'd much rather it take over the spots of the increasingly tedious Scrubs or My Name Is Earl.

2. Listen to R.E.M.'s performance (with special guests Eddie Vedder and Patti Smith) at the 2007 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction. In related news, this post (via Fluxblog) is making me reconsider my initial take on Around the Sun. More on that later, maybe. But I will say that sometimes a not-great or downright bad album is simply that, and just as it's easy to dismiss a new sound/album because it doesn't fit the band's story, it's also easy to dismiss legitimate criticisms as "not getting it."* After all, R.E.M. went "off the script" long before Around the Sun. And based on the HoF performance, they're in no danger of becoming irrelevant any time soon.

*This is only kinda-sorta-tangentially related, but I never got around to writing my own review of X3, so this link goes here: This is the ultimate example of bending over backwards to justify liking a piece of crap. To try to pass off the overall half-assed slapdashedness of X3 as some sort of modern Un Chien Andalou is just breathtaking in its audacity. It's such an eloquent defense of bullshit I almost want to agree with it on principle.

ANOTHER PLEA FOR HELP

I need a song, preferably an oldie, with lyrics about losing and/or looking for "my baby," like "where is my baby," "have you seen my baby," "I've lost my baby," etc. It also must be sung by a woman. Any suggestions?

PERSONAL BETTERMENT PROJECT KICKOFF

There are a lot of movies I haven't seen. A lot of classic movies, movies that it's even a little embarrassing to admit I haven't seen. For someone who works in Hollywood (tangentially, at least, at the moment) and enjoys a status among his friends (who really ought to know better) as some sort of film expert, there is really no excuse for never having seen, for instance, Casablanca or Gone With the Wind. And yet, I am that person. Me is I.

So, in an effort to correct this one small defect in my person, I have decided to spend this year (and probably part of the next) watching the movies on the AFI Top 100 Movies list. You could quibble with this list; you could say it's safe and obvious and middle-of-the-road, and you wouldn't be wrong, exactly; but see above for but two of many obvious movies I have never seen. So this is what I'm doing. (Of course, just as soon as I decide to watch all these movies, AFI decides to go and make another list, but I'm sticking with the one we've got. I'm not in any rush to see Crash again, I'll tell you that much.)

So anyway I'm starting at the top and working my way down. First up is Citizen Kane, a movie I actually have seen--on the big screen, no less, but in a pretty crappy print. I'm going old-school with this project, so each movie will have a newsreel (15 minutes of Headline News, I guess) and a cartoon--I think it's possible to pair each movie with a Simpsons episode that references it. At least a half-dozen Simpsons episodes have alluded to Citizen Kane, but the best one is the fifth-season episode "Rosebud," in which Mr. Burns pines for his childhood teddy bear Bobo. Kane also gets an overture, courtesy of The White Stripes. The lyrics of their song "The Union Forever," from White Blood Cells, are made up entirely of quotes from the film. Here's a recording from their 2001 Peel Session, along with its sister song "Little Room."

MP3: "Little Room/The Union Forever (2001 Peel Session)" by The White Stripes

I'm firing up the DVD player Saturday at 2:00 sharp. Feel free to drop by.

IF GARDNER POSTS SOMETHING IN THE FOREST...

And just like that, we're back. Food poisoning + new job + TiVo + laziness = no GLFC for two months. Sorry.

Anyway, new Boy in the Tunnel chapter later tonight. For reals!

In the meantime, check out my freakishly long essay on Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" over at the Flagpole. And check out this page to hear the covers mentioned in the essay, as well as a special homemade treat.