the glfc drinks database

At times you may find yourself in certain social situations in which a level of inebriation is preferred—or even required. To aid you in such occasions of public gaiety, we present these beverage recipes as a public service.

situation: gameday

The people with whom you went to college (or, in the worst-case scenario, high school) have grown up and settled in your general vicinity. You thought perhaps a cross-country move, a new career, etc., might have afforded you a new social circle, but your natural reticence (to say the least) has failed to ingratiate you with another group of acquaintances (which are also made up of people who attended the same educational institutions) and so on fall weekends you find yourself in the company of these same people, unenthusiastically cheering on the sporting team of your old alma mater. You may find that the only way to prevent yourself from collapsing, weeping, in the bathroom, remembering the opportunities you let slip away, is to get good and plastered.

THE JIMMY CARTER

aka Dixieland Tea (General Beauregard’s, Athens, GA), Sigma Chai

Fill 1 large tumbler with ice.

Add Jim Beam, in proportion to the number of weekend nights you spent alone in your single dorm room, when you could have been doing anything—anything at all.

Fill tumbler with real Southern sweet tea (from Mrs. Winner’s fried-chicken restaurant, if possible).

THE RALPH MACCHIO

Fill a highball glass with ice.

Add 1 part Jack Daniel’s.

Add 2-3 parts Sunkist orange soda, depending on how many quarters of the game have already passed, and how long you plan on staying before driving home to watch Simpsons reruns alone.

situation: lord of the rings marathon

Are you a nerd? You are. You can think of nothing more fun than to spend an entire day watching the Extended Edition DVDs of the Lord of the Rings films. Perhaps you may have even coerced some of these collegiate companions into watching them with you. Don’t you wish you had a quest to go on? Don’t you wish the difference between good and evil were so simple? Once the movies are over and your friends have gone home and you’re once again alone in your apartment, you’ll be happy to have these drinks to help you make sense of things.

THE EYE OF SAURON

aka The Fires of Mount Doom

Chill a martini glass.

In a shaker filled with ice, add

1 ½ oz. Wild Turkey

½ oz. Grand Marnier

2 oz. orange juice

Shake well.

Strain into martini glass.

Add grenadine, creating a glowing red “eye” at the bottom of the glass.

GANDALF THE WHITE

Fill your souvenir glowing Burger King Lord of the Rings goblet with ice.

Add 1 ½ oz. Jack Daniel’s

1 oz. Amaretto

Fill glass with half & half.

Stir gently.

Turn on the glowing goblet, delighting in the illusion of real magic.