Thursday, March 23, 2006

NEW BEVERAGE ALERT

Actually, an old beverage with a new name. This whole thing started a few weeks ago, when I was out at Sardo's singing not singing karaoke with some friends and ordered a Maker's Mark & ginger ale, my libation of choice (thank you, Hassiotis). What the waitress brought me was not a delicious golden beverage in one glass, but instead two (2) separate glasses, one containing Maker's and the other ginger ale. CONFUSION REIGNED. There was unhappiness.

Soon, however, I realized that all was not lost, that the waitress had in essence provided me with a sort of DIY chemistry set that would eventually result in two servings of the drink I wanted in the first place. Crisis averted.

But as I thought about it further, I realized there was no need for such confusion in the future. A cocktail as pleasant as bourbon & ginger ale deserved its own name, one that would place it among the ranks of the Cuba Libre and the 7&7. Further surmising that, as I was the one doing the naming, I might wish to immortalize myself, I came up with what I think is the perfect appellation. With no further ado, I present:

THE CONSTANT GARDNER




Let the call ring out across the land:
THE CONSTANT GARDNER!

Spread the word from tavern to pub. Tell your bartender or waitress that you desire a Constant Gardner*. When he or she casts his or her blank-eyed stare upon you, inform him/her that the recipe is the height of simplicity: bourbon and ginger ale. The above story notwithstanding, I prefer Wild Turkey. Maker's Mark is a worthy substitute. Jim Beam will serve in a pinch. As for ginger ales, I'm partial to Thomas Kemper. Blenheim's spicy ginger ale adds a potent kick. A wedge of lemon makes it all classy.

The Constant Gardner: Ask for it by name!

*Devotees of Chuck Klosterman might recognize the similarities to his drink of choice, the Witty Chuck (brandy and ginger ale), as described in Fargo Rock City. I tip my hat to his foresight, but I feel I must add that the Constant Gardner is smooth and delicious, while the Witty Chuck kind of sucks.
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

DEAR JOE SATRIANI



Next time you decide to hold a concert in the municipal plaza across the street from my apartment ON A FUCKING TUESDAY, try giving me a call first so I can tell you to STAY THE HELL AWAY. People live here, damn it! And we don't really need our faces shredded off at the moment, thanks.
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

BELATED WEEKEND ROUNDUP

FRIDAY: A Netflix Night

The Ice Harvest
Though it was directed by Harold Ramis and written by Richard Russo and Robert Benton (based on the novel by Scott Phillips), this is pretty much the best Coen Brothers movie since The Man Who Wasn't There. Or, rather, it's one of the better movies in that Blood Simple/Fargo black-humored neo-noir vein that I've seen recently. Call it "Wichita" and it could even be a Fargo sort-of sequel, the second in a string of movies about go-nowhere losers getting violently fucked up in towns all across the heartland. Des Moines, you're next.

The basics of the plot are that mob-connected lawyer Charlie (John Cusack) and strip-club entrepreneur Vic (Billy Bob Thornton) have stolen $2 million from a local crime boss and are hanging around Wichita for the night tying up loose ends. Mayhem, of course, ensues. It's fast and tight (under 90 minutes), twisty and nasty, and all the actors make the most of their time onscreen. Thornton's working his Bad Santa mean streak, Cusack reels you in just by being John Cusack, until you realize Charlie is nowhere near as smart and charming as a Cusack character usually is, Connie Nielsen seems to have wandered in from an actual 40s noir (this also marks the second time she's played a character about whom a "handjob" reference is made), Mike Starr (who always shows up in movies like this) gives an excellent little performance without ever showing his face, and Oliver Platt completely steals the show with his boozy-asshole routine. And in an oddly timely twist, a dude gets shot in the face with birdshot and lives. It doesn't stick with you like Fargo does, but it's a satisfyingly mean piece of work, and represents a nice return to form (and possible new direction) for Ramis after the Analyze This & That disappointments.

SATURDAY: An Open Letter to PBR

Dear Pabst Blue Ribbon,
Thank you for making this weekend awesome.
Your friend,
Gardner


I am huge and pale and for some reason I can't stand up straight.

That's right, on Thursday the Grassy Best achieved its first victory, so to celebrate we got drunk. Well, we get drunk when we lose, too, but this time we got drunk on Thursday AND Saturday. Thanks to Meanwald for hosting, but seriously, in a town with no shortage of bad-parking situations, Beachwood has got to be the champion. How many damn bus stops does one residential street need? Had to park next to the Scientology Center. Beck was my valet. Bet you didn't know they made the believers work there on the weekends. Next time it's my place, and it's tea and crumpets and a nice game of bridge. People my age shouldn't be out till three in the damn morning, walking a mile in the cold to the Scientology Center!

SUNDAY: Let's Go Nerd It Out at the Museum

Masters of American Comics
I'd been meaning to go to this exhibit since it opened in November, but it took me till the day it closed to finally drag my ass the three blocks to the Hammer to check it out. And, of course, that meant I missed the second half of it at MOCA (which was the part I really wanted to see anyway, thanks to Kirby and Ware), but whayagonnado. The collection at the Hammer focused on newspaper comics artists from the first half of the 20th century--McCay, Feininger, Herriman, King, Segar, Caniff, Gould and Schulz. Winsor McCay and Charles Schulz occupied the entrance and exit galleries, respectively, and also boasted the largest collections; fitting, since they are arguably the two most influential and important artists showcased in the exhibit, and also represent the endpoints on a continuum of approaches to the newspaper comic strip.

Anyone who's seen So Many Splendid Sundays knows how overwhelmingly gorgeous McCay's Little Nemo work is when viewed at its intended size, but it was something of a revelation to see that his original pen-and-ink drawings were even bigger--these huge, poster-sized works that the reader can practically sink into. And at that scale, his nearly inhuman draftmanship is even more impressive; the first works in the exhibit were a few Sunday pages from 1908 in which Nemo and co. visit Befuddle Hall, and the strips utilize distortion and mirror effects that look practically computer-generated. An editorial cartoon depicting small human figures scaling a huge stone edifice spelling out IMAGINATION was composed of such fine crosshatching that it seemed like it must have taken weeks to finish. If this exhibit accomplished nothing else, it at least made it clear that Winsor McCay could draw like a motherfucker.

The McCay display was a mix of original drawings, color proofs and actual newspaper pages, an approach that continued throughout the exhibit. Occasionally this allowed one to see the same strip three different ways: as a work of art, as an element in a commercial enterprise, and as an historical artifact. Each held its own appeal. The original drawings were sometimes twice as large as the published strips, allowing you to see each pen and brush stroke, to see the real human craft that went into each disposable strip. Not to mention all the little imperfections that you don't see in the published versions: whited-out lines, pencil marks, pasted-in titles and indicia. There's even a real poignancy to Schulz's Peanuts originals, as his increasingly shaky hand becomes crystal-clear at the larger scale--a noticeable waver starts to develop in the line in the strips from the late 70s, and by the 90s the lines are like miniature seismograms, though no less expressive. And there's a subtle psychological difference to the original drawings--because they're so big, they start to feel like "art." The figures become more abstract, more a collection of lines and shapes than coherent actors. It's the same effect you see in Roy Lichtenstein's paintings or Chip Kidd's design work for graphic novels like The Dark Knight Strikes Again--comics are so often meant to be small that seeing them in a large format turns them into something else entirely.

The color proofs were fascinating because, they, unlike the newspapers, still retained much of their original lustre--the colors popped off of nearly-white pages, giving new life to art that is so often viewed through a yellowing lens. And the actual newspaper pages, of course, gave historical context to the strips, particularly when they were abutted by ads or other, forgotten strips. A typically gorgeous Frank King Gasoline Alley page lay next to an unintentionally hilarious comic-strip ad for Rinso detergent and a crudely drawn, barely coherent Frances the Mule strip, reaffirming King's status as a "master"--with a mass-produced commercial art form like comics, it's easy sometimes to fall into the nostalgia trap and equate "old" with "good," so it's nice to have reminders that King et al really were the best.

As the exhibit progressed along a strict chronological progression, the evolution (some might say devolution) of newspaper comics came into focus. After McCay came Lyonel Feininger, whose Wee Willy Winkie and The Kinder-Kids were similar thematically to Little Nemo, but were drawn in a looser, more abstract and oddly sinister style, instead of McCay's meticulous architectural renderings. Then came George Herriman and Krazy Kat, which moved even further away from realism; the backgrounds of a typical Krazy Kat strip are abstract moonscapes, while the characters are cartoony, anthropomorphized animals. Krazy and Ignatz are characters we could see on a comics page today, while Nemo and the Kinder-Kids would look completely alien. Herriman also used language in a way that McCay and Feininger, whose prose was largely functional at best, did not--the idiosyncratic dialect of Krazy and Ignatz still has yet to be equaled on the comics page.

Frank King's Gasoline Alley was one of the major revelations of the show for me; though I was aware of King's reputation, thanks to Drawn & Quarterly's new Walt & Skeezix reprint series, I had never seen any of King's work. But seeing his work in the exhibit made it clear why people like Chris Ware (who edits Walt & Skeezix) revere him. His Sunday pages are similar to McCay's in scale, detail and the use of nuanced color, but Gasoline Alley shares little of Little Nemo's whimsy, and even less of the gag humor so typical of newspaper comics. King's great innovation was to have his characters age in real time (unlike perpetually youthful Charlie Brown or Calvin), and so Gasoline Alley becomes this unfolding drama made up of the small, seemingly mundane moments in its characters' lives. Because time passes in the strip as it does in real life, it's the only strip in the exhibit to acknowledge, in a real way, the possibility of death--Ignatz will always throw bricks at Krazy, Nemo will always wake up from his dreams, Lucy will always pull the football away just as Charlie Brown tries to kick it, but there is no such certainty for Walt and Skeezix. One of the more beautiful pages in the exhibit simply showed Walt and Skeezix walking through a landscape, commenting on Nature's artistic abilities--it wasn't particularly funny, it wasn't very cute, but it was suffused with this longing for beauty and a resigned acknowledgment of beauty's ephemerality, all told through a metaphor that could only be done in comics.

The King exhibit did illustrate one of the shortcomings of the show, however: there was little tangible acknowledgement of the influence these artists had on other artists (both other "Masters" and those not in the exhibit). For example, King was a clear influence on Chris Ware, but at least at the Hammer there was no side-by-side comparison to show how King's use of color and innovative page layouts influenced, say, Jimmy Corrigan. And elsewhere, what struck me most about Milton Caniff's Terry and the Pirates originals was how much his brushed inking style looks like that of Charles Burns. Or how the squared-off mien of Chester Gould's Dick Tracy anticipated Marv from Frank Miller's Sin City--actually, looking at Gould's use of shadow, and his experiments with rain and snow effects, it's hard not to see Sin City as one big Dick Tracy homage. Granted, this kind of comparison is perhaps beyond the scope of an exhibit whose stated goal is simply to showcase the work of fifteen great comics artists, but I thought it would have been nice to see nonetheless.

The show ended with a large retrospective of Charles Schulz's Peanuts, by far the most well-known work in the Hammer's half of the exhibit (EC Segar's Popeye is likely in second place). Peanuts, though equally worthy, is almost diametrically opposed to Little Nemo in every way. Nemo was largely concerned with visual spectacle; Peanuts, with internal conflicts. Nemo represented a time when Sunday comics took up an entire newspaper page; Peanuts was the great harbinger of the gag strip, which could be miniaturized to ridiculous degrees, allowing editors to cram more comics onto the funny pages. It's fitting that Schulz is the last artist in the exhibit to work primarily in newspaper comics--the artists in MOCA's half of the show worked mainly in comic books--because, for better or worse (no pun intended), Peanuts' debut in 1950 set the tone for the next half-century of newspaper comics. Every newspaper cartoonist since then has worked in Schulz's shadow, and arguably none have equaled his artistic achievements. Maybe Watterson, possibly Trudeau, but beyond that, who? Schulz's portion of the exhibit spans fifty years by itself, and though in his later years other strips (notably Calvin & Hobbes) supplanted Peanuts as the best thing on the comics pages, as a consummate artist for those fifty years he was untouchable.

If there was one major shortcoming to the exhibit, it was the apparent lack of rhyme or reason to which works were selected for each artist. This is likely due to the curators simply selecting what was available--I can imagine there not being much, particularly for the earlier artists. But though the exhibit as a whole presented a logical journey through fifty years of comics, the individual artists' segments were more-or-less haphazard. It would have been nice to see an extended, unbroken run of Gasoline Alley continuity, for example, or a collection of Lucy-the-psychiatrist gags over the years from Peanuts. But on the whole, simply seeing this art in its original format was enough to enthrall this longtime comics reader, and I can imagine that for the neophyte the exhibit will open up a whole new world.
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

FEALTY TEST

You say you're a true Gardner Linn Fan? Prove it!

1. Watch tonight's two-hour premiere of America's Next Top Model Cycle 6 at 8:00 on your local UPN affiliate. Particularly the second hour, which begins at 9:00.

2. Tomorrow night, come cheer on The Grassy Best as we continue our search for our first victory. The Kick in Review's offical handicapper "Miles Post" has picked us to win--we're playing the other new team, the legendary "Pink Team," so it should prove to be an exciting evening of kickball all around. 7:30, Pan Pacific Park, Hollywood.
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

LAST NIGHT'S 24: A BRIEF PICTORIAL RETROSPECTIVE

Frankly, I'm really impressed that the 24 staff was able to give President Logan a Vice President even worse than Logan himself was in that position:



Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Vice President Leland Palmer! Hot blondes with daddy issues, watch your backs!



(That means you, Kim.)

Of course, not even Kim and Jack's less-than-tearful reunion could top the true high point of last night's episode: Chloe and Edgar realizing their love for one another too late.




Chloe's face there might be the saddest thing I've ever seen.

Cue anti-Kim rant from Zane in 5...4...3...2...1...
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Monday, March 06, 2006

I CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING

That's right, it's time for

THE MARCH 2006 GLFC MIXTAPE! (47 meg mp3)

The theme of this one is "new stuff I've been listening to lately, plus old stuff to help string it all together, plus I still don't have any DJ skills." The tracklist:

Intro (How Soon Is Now? - Popchor Berlin / You Are the Generation That Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve - Johnny Boy / some Stan Lee narration from Spider-Man: Rock Reflections of a Superhero)
Dance Music - The Mountain Goats / Lucifer - Jay-Z
Monster Hospital - Metric
I Fought the Law - The Clash
Formaldehyde - Johnny Boy
Kick Out the Chairs (replayed by WhoMadeWho) - Munk & James Murphy
Just - Mark Ronson & Alex Greenwald
Just - Radiohead
Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Everything Is Everything - Phoenix
Swing Low, Sweet Cadillac - Dizzy Gillespie
My Chrome - Killer Mike feat. Big Boi
Rick Rubin - Spank Rock
Steady as She Goes - The Raconteurs
Cut Your Hair - Pavement / Intergalactic - The Beastie Boys
Black Sweat - Prince / Terrible Lie - Nine Inch Nails / Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
Yeah Yeah Yeah Song - The Flaming Lips
Road to Nowhere (early version) - Talking Heads
Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads / Jesus Walks - Kanye West

If you'd like to hear this kind of thing done well, check out this new Caps & Jones mix.
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Saturday, March 04, 2006

IT HAD TO HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER

My baby brother has gone and gotten hisself a blog. He's a project supervisor for Habitat for Humanity in Dallas, and he'll be documenting his builds while ranting about Oprah and such. Go check it out.
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Friday, March 03, 2006

ENTERTAIN YOURSELVES

1. Don't want to spoil it for those of you still behind (Amy), but this week's episode of Lost was damn good. Season 2 has been pretty uneven, but I think this was one of the best episodes of both seasons so far. More revelations and teases, the introduction of a long-awaited character, non-standard flashbacks, some genuinely hilarious dialogue. Plus, though Claire was the focus character, there were nice moments for almost all of the main cast (particularly Eko), as well as a complete lack of Michelle "Useless" Rodriguez. IMDB isn't helping me here, but I think it was written by two new writers; if so, a very nice first effort.

1.5. And for those of you who are caught up, Entertainment Weekly's Jeff Jensen has come up with a pretty plausible theory to explain that damn island. If he's right, I hope Lindelof & co. don't pull an Armageddon 2001 and come up with some dumbass alternative to "keep the mystery alive."

2. Achewood is consistently great, but the current "Great Outdoor Fight" storyline has just been killing it. It started January 25 and appears to be continuing for the foreseeable future.

3. Music of the Moment: The Sword. The Motherfuckin' Sword. Considering that their lyrics are pure Tolkien gobbledygook, and they look like every other indie-dude four-piece out there, you might think their Sabbathy throwback metal is an ironic goof. It is not. When they sing about slaying the spider-priest, they mean it. It's like a distillation of twenty years of hobbit-metal into its most efficient form. Just punishingly awesome. I really wish I saw them when they played LA two weeks ago.

MP3: "Winter's Wolves" by The Sword, from Age of Winters

4. Some British geniuses have put together a live-action version of the Simpsons intro. I haven't seen it yet, because it's taking forever to download, but I'm assured it's incredible. (Via The V.)

5. Battlestar Galactica is as incredible as promised. I tore though Season 1 like it was my job, and I'm probably going to spend this weekend watching Season 2.0. And since Katee Sackhoff seems to be the Official Imaginary Girlfriend of the Nerdosphere, and Tricia Helfer is the show's designated Maxim Babe, I was going to give it up for Grace "Boomer" Park, but it seems I'm way behind the curve. I'll probably have more to say after I catch up with Season 2--it's a show that's actually worth writing about in slightly more depth than "Holy shit, Jack just about cut out that dude's eyeball!"

6. BECAUSE NO ONE DEMANDED IT, another GLFC Mixtape is coming soon. Probably Monday.
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