Doug Slade, Temporary P.I. was completed and submitted on time, and it's pretty damn good, if I say so myself. If you're in the LA area, you can catch the world premiere tomorrow, June 30, at the Laemmle Fairfax theatre at 7907 Beverly Blvd (the corner of Beverly and Fairfax) at 9:30 p.m. Our film will screen along with five or six other short films--whether they're good or bad, it's sure to be entertaining. Admission is $7.00, I believe.

He's the temp who thinks he's Sam Spade
Check out his trenchcoat--it's handmade
He never ever ever gets laid
And the ladies, they call him

Doug Slade, Temporary P.I.
Solving office mysteries and getting fired
He can't type and he can't file
But he'll find your hummus and then steal your supplies
That's why no one likes Doug Slade

Twenty-four hours down. I managed not to embarrass myself too badly in my big scene as The Boss Who Ate the Hummus. Now James gets to stay up until 7:00 tomorrow to edit the thing. I'm glad I'm a writer.

Doug Slade, Temporary P.I. continues apace.

L: Mike, Josh and Marian discuss their motivations. R: Courtney directs the copy-room scene.


L: James begins the editing. R: Go Team America.

Santa Clarita, California. Sixteen hours into 48-Hour Film Festival. Will, Josh and I (the writers) have almost nothing to do. Except for me--I'm playing Doug Slade's boss. I'm this movie's heavy. Not because I have any acting ability, but because I have a giant life-size portrait of myself that I can sit under and look menacing.

Amazingly, things seem to be going well. The script looks better in the cold light of day than in the fatigued haze of last night. It helps that we have really good actors to actually say the words. Will is filming me right now for his "making-of" documentary. Riveting footage, apparently.

Seven and a half hours into 48-Hour Film Festival. Script is finished--"Doug Slade, Temporary P.I." is a go. Have to drive up to godforsaken Santa Clarita at 8:00 because I've somehow been roped into acting in this thing. The GLFC logo may also make an appearance. Here's a taste of the sweet, sweet Slade:

DOUG
Where’s the hummus, kid?

LAUREN
Search me.

Doug reaches out to frisk Lauren. As his hands touch her hips, she angrily slaps them away.

LAUREN
Get your hands off me!

DOUG/VO
I thought I’d turned the right knobs, but all I got
was static. It was time to try a different frequency.

Maybe I'll have pictures for you tomorrow. Must cut hair, then go to sleep. My new Hulk pinky ring is awesome.

Will found this. Not exactly research for ANT THING, but more a case of our script being eerily prescient:



EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. - A scanner the government is testing for airport screening reveals much more than meets the eye to be comfortable for most passengers.

Susan Hallowell, director of the Transportation Security Administration's security laboratory, sacrificed a large measure of her own modesty Wednesday to demonstrate the problem.


She stepped into a metal booth that bounced X-rays off her skin to produce a black-and-white image that revealed enough to produce a world-class blush.

As promised, something for the ladies: my brother William building a house in Texas (he's the one in the black T-shirt). Look at those guns!

Some of you have asked (okay, it was only one of you) why the site hasn't been updated since June 15. To this I say: Get off Gardner's back! He's not your trained monkey, available to dance for your amusement 24/7. It takes sweat and blood and many other bodily fluids to keep the GLFC running, and Gardner's been a busy busy boy of late. Busy as an ant, you might say. ANT THING is nearing completion, which makes Gardner extremely happy because then he can start wading through the stack of research material he has accumulated for EVERYTHING AWESOME.

This weekend Gardner is part of a team that's participating in the 48-Hour Film Festival, so don't expect any new episodes of Lil' Gardner & Robot Jesus until next week. Believe me, it'll be worth the wait--Gardner actually has to draw some new characters for this one. But if you're lucky, there might be crazed, sleep-deprivation-addled updates on the progress of the 48-hour film this weekend.

In the meantime, later tonight there will be a special treat for the ladies in the audience. Keep looking back for that.

--Jezebel Thrombosis McJeffers, public relations director, The Gardner Linn Fan Club

Important GLFC announcement:

You'll notice a link above to the new Adventures of Lil' Gardner & Robot Jesus page. All the LG&RJ comics are on this page in chronological and narrative order. The formatting is still a little wonky, especially if you're not using the exact same monitor I am, but that will be fixed in the next few days. New installments of the strip will appear here in the main blog first, and will migrate over to the permanent page whenever I get around to it.

That is all.

More for ANT THING:

No one can who has more than a passing interest in the Japanese music scene can have failed to have the noticed the hugely popular visual-kei bands.

Characterized more by their elaborate make-up and and costumes than the music they play, Japan's visual-kei bands add an extra fantastical dimension to their performance. The mix of feminine make-up, costumes that pull in elements of fetish wear, "gothic diva" and anime, and gravity defying hairstyles in a whole gamut of colors, certainly appeal to Japanese youth and the whole genre is hugely popular here.

Tarepanda, and even more interesting and bizarre Japanese celebrities.

(Found while looking for pictures of cool sci-fi Japanese band costumes for ANT THING. I'd put a picture here, but for some reason the site won't let me.)

More ANT THING research:

Copies of a final novel allegedly written by deposed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein have been found in Baghdad.

The novel, called Get Out of Here, Curse You, were being stored at the Information Ministry buildings in Baghdad before going on sale when the US attacked Iraq in March.

The man sure has a way with titles.

Three fossilised skulls unearthed in Ethiopia are said by scientists to be among the most important discoveries ever made in the search for the origin of humans.

The crania of two adults and a child, all dated to be around 160,000 years old, were pulled out of sediments near a village called Herto in the Afar region in the east of the country.

Humans may have come close to extinction about 70,000 years ago, according to the latest genetic research.

The study suggests that at one point there may have been only 2,000 individuals alive as our species teetered on the brink.

"Computers are better," the 9-year-old says, blonde pony tail bobbing behind her. "With typing, you don't have to erase when you make a mistake. You just hit delete, so it's a lot easier."

Such attitudes are worrying to a growing number of parents, educators and historians, who fear that computers are speeding the demise of a uniquely American form of expression. Handwriting experts fear that the wild popularity of e-mail, instant messages and other electronic communication, particularly among kids, could erase cursive within a few decades.

Laundry Time

All the time-traveling excitement causes Lil' Gardner to reflect
on the true nature of existence and his role in the great cosmic drama:

We rejoin our heroes at the Taco Bell, where Lil' Gardner from July 2002
has just polished off a Grilled Stuft Burrito and three Baja Chalupas.
Suddenly, the three chums are interrupted by another professional-quality sound effect:

We take a break from our epic time-traveling adventure to present
a remake of the remake of The Italian Job, starring Lil' Gardner & Robot Jesus,
with Lil' Gardner from July 2002 as Edward Norton